So I had a fairly frustrating day yesterday.  This is at least the second time I've been brought in as a drummer for someone else's performance piece, and it turns out they don't really want me to drum.  Of all the things I've tried out during rehearsals, the director seems to have liked me drumming the least, at one stage preferring the atmospheric sounds of construction happening outside.

That can't feel good, right?  There is no doubt that the director has real talent and a lot of experience - but clearly when I was asked to drum for this performance, what the director was thinking and what I was thinking were different.  I even clarified my background, and my areas of expertise, but I think the challenge is that the director thinks of something else when it comes to "visceral" - like the sounds of construction.

For me, my background, my tastes, my experience, the sound of drumming - classic African-diasporic drumming, from North African to West African to Caribbean to even hip-hop drums, especially any of this live - is visceral.  It's what moves my body in clubs, it's what has saved me from being over-hyper all the time, from the RSI injuries I was getting, it's been a place where I've been able to find a state of grace.

Maybe I'm taking it too personally that some people - other artists typically (?) - find the music I like to make too.... cheap?  (Maybe I should lighten up on folks who do musical theatre?)  And in this situation, I feel like some of it is my fault - I've essentially said, "Whatever, I'm game" - and that's not quite true.  I do have opinions about what works and doesn't, and even if they eventually get overruled, it's probably better to voice them than be frustrated in silence.

I'll be honest - when this happened before, I had been recruited to play for theatre of Yugen's adaptation of Old Man and the Sea.  I did end up drumming in that show, and I did end up finding a personal connection to the musical experiments I was pushed out of my typical comfort areas to make.  It was ultimately an incredible experience because everyone was generous and willing to try things out, and it encouraged you yourself to stretch your boundaries.  And in the end I'm sure this will be similar, because the director is very talented, the performers are phenomenal, and I just might be able to make a personal connection to the material - and even do a little drumming.

Ultimately, I guess it comes down to this - when you ask for a drummer, make sure you want a drummer.  The rhythm is my home for a reason.